my own piece of mind

Saturday, January 31, 2004

saturday (01/02/2004) 12:13pm

~i won't put my hands up and surrender
~there will be no white flag above my door

woke up this morning to find myself staring at the ceiling again thinking of u.. and missing the days we used to spend together.. ur smiles, ur laughter, ur everything that had caught my every glimpse..
and it all ended with a smile.. my day had to carry on..
wad lies in memoriez r my dreamz,
wad lies in the truth r ur coldness,
wad lies ahead is the unforseen,
wad lies beneath all this is my love for u..

Here I Am @ 1/31/2004 12:20:00 PM

Friday, January 30, 2004

:'(
the icy mountain barrier is up.. hiaz..
everything seem so messed up by me, me, ME!!..
was thinking of getting over wif it n start over again.. as a new raymond..
but doubt i can do it this time..
dun think i could ever let her off juz like tt.. i fell too deep.. ..
the back view of hers is the most cruel view i could have ever seen..
it kills me more than a hundred bullets all hitting me..
dreamz are to be fulfilled by our own hands, nobody else other than we ourselves hold the key to our dreamz
yest when i was returning home from sch.. thought thru alots of things..
now i know y has it been so impossible wif me.. tho
wad a bad guy i m.. a guy who wants love but had nv given enuff.. i reserved too much for myself..
i juz can't help but to blame myself for realizing things too late..
love is something which money can't buys, but needs to put in an amount of effot equivalent to earning $100,000,000
if time could reverse
how i hope it can turn back to 1 day, 1 week or even 1 month before now.. how i hope ...

i will not give up.. NV .. !!

went down to the chocolate bar last nite.. was trying to get it all out hiaz.. dunno y juz din get myself drunk..
was hitting the dance floor wif RnB msic hiaz.. reached home at 520am .. took a bath went to sleep but woke up after awhile thinking about u.. staring at the ceiling ...
later still got sch.. hiaz.. today is still a nite class..

Here I Am @ 1/30/2004 11:24:00 AM

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

hiEee wish all REN a hapi REN RI..
din blog for some time ler..
nothing much to blog recently too..
anyway went to the admin office to day to check out about the sch fees stuff...
hiaz.. still got to write a letter .. leh chay!!!
when inside the office there's this china guy came in and wanna cut the queue juz to pay his fees .. wakao eh.. if everyone does tt then wad's the queue machine for.. darn u wake up ur coconut lar.. !!
hee hee met georgina and a few of some long time no see galz frenz.. she is getting so much thinner than b4 ler.. gd training from Bf huh.. =P

'tale of the two sister'
su mi and su yeon are both very close sister..
su yeon died together wif her mother in the closet and su mi can't accpet the fact that her mum and sister is dead and in her mind the mastermind of their death is Eun-joo (erm i dun really know her role thru the show.. )... .. .
through the whole show wadeva seems alive and walking around the house are actually onli but one person.. .. su mi.. .. it's her brain that is seeing her sister and Eun-Joo who wants to torture her sister and her.. ..
if we were to watch the film again but now in the eyes of su-mi's father then it would be something like in the whole house there are onli 2 person ... su-mi and him.. . and su-mi will be acting so strangely complaining about Eun-joo torturing her sister and running about trying to protect her sister su-yeon and being Eun-joo trying to torture her sister.. but in fact there are no one in the house lor .. no su-yeon and no Eun-joo ..

is a rather good show, a horror not made to freak the tiniest hair out of yer.. it shows a strong bond inside su-mi and su-yeon.. .. good thing the show din show much of those ghosty sadako thing.. if not it will totaly spoil it coz the show is not about curse.. another thing noticed, thru the show tho su-yeon seems real but the father had never called su-yeon's name at all..

Here I Am @ 1/28/2004 06:39:00 PM

Monday, January 26, 2004

morning..
what is a "sweet" guy:

http://www.megspace.com/entertainment/tlfoust/sweetness.htm

read and think about it ... how i hope i m a jerk!!

and

things tt a sweet guy would do:

http://www.geocities.com/monkeybutt87/artificialsweetener.htm

oh.. the last line maybe some kinda correct.. gals plz make up ur mind.. i dislike answers like "i dunno"!!

Here I Am @ 1/26/2004 11:02:00 AM

Sunday, January 25, 2004

hihiE bloggy..
hmm.. back at home once more time.. ...
the nite b4 had BBQ at one of my work frenz home well it was raining as usual.. spoils the mood..
took a cabbie down to his place and guess wad.. the cabbier doesn't know how to get there.. well he took us all the way to sembawang naval base then he say "i dun think this is the place"(in chinese).. -_-!!
we were so fucked up.. then finally got to the right road and we decided to abandon the cabbie n walk to find the place.. !!
hiaz was a darn long walk..
found the place n the nxt prob is the charcoal as usual.. the charcoal dunno how in earth did it get wet.. and it took us almost two hrs to get it started and even used a hair dryer.. (funni isn't it)
anyway.. din have anymore mood after tt to bbq .. the hse master opened a bottle of martel cordon blue..
well i had a cup of it on the rock.. YUCKS.. kAPuiiiiiii.. it was darn bitter.. maybe it is me who doesn't know how to appreciate it.. well din take anymore of it after tt one seep. wondering how on earth did those guys manage to finish the whole bottle..!!
got a tiger after tt.. =P no drink no fun.. haha.. was quite fan jian tt nite hahahahah..
well some got dizzy n a rather lame gal got drunk..well wad's made it very lame was tt she juz drank a ALc 5% vodka.. .. ..
and she is drunk!!
lousy right.. hiaz.. anyway she had her bf to take care of her.. lucky for us.. dun need to take care of her.. haha..
so bad of us..
well anyway.. tt's then..
hee hee today had a big birthday party at my uncle's place.. n guess wad my jiu gong was here.. and so was her daughter..
haha..
had exchanged our hp number.. =P .. well i think tt's was for fun too.. dun think i would ever msg her also.. haha.. =P
juz left it inside my phone book to occupy the place..
.. .. .. .. .. ... ... ... ...

Here I Am @ 1/25/2004 11:48:00 PM

Friday, January 23, 2004

heLoOO
finaly back at home.. few days din blog ler.. hands very itchy now..
had been missing my blogg so much ;P
hee hee...
quite a extraordinary new yr this yr.. tho very sianZ in s'pore .. n nothing much happened back in m'sia..
hiaz..
din expect to have much more angBao's then previous yrs tt's one fun part.. =P
well maybe tt's coz prev yrs all the angBAo is in ringgit (when open the angBao first thing to do is the conversion...HAHA!!) but now is in S$ so maybe felt tt it is far more.. =P
hee hee...
had dinner the prev nite in m'sia .. went in wit chew chor meng's family .. he is very DAO wan lor -_- .. anyway ..
her baby daughter some how or another my cousin .. is a very very kawaii gurl hee hee.. hey my boy boy cousin 'yu xuan" kept bulling her .. hmm .. so naughty ..
eh juz had my dinner over at my jiu gong's place n guess!! her daughter huh getting more beautiful ler eh..!!
hee hee "no crook thoughts K" she juz finished her O's.. well was trying to fix up her com .. but it is really in a very bad state sori but plz juz throw tt rubbish into the bin.. "hee hee i din tell her tt tho HAHA.. "

well happi tho but din neglect some impt stuffs.. hiaz.. was thinking about my studies prob too... hmm..
wad to do .. wad to do .. ??
mirror mirror on the wall,
tell me wad would become of me in the yr to come...!!
wishing wishing well,
tell me how would my dreamz come true...!!
well had some impt things to settle first b4 i really make up my mind if i would stop studying.. anyway surely everyone arnd me would persuade me not to stop .. but still "it's my life" surely i won't give up my study so easily .. but nv the less i would drop it if i have no other choice..
hmm .. will be facing another major crisis on the coming july.. hopefully it doesn't come but chances r few tho coz it seems like my dad's cpf had totaly depleted .. hmm ..
if it will be then it wouldn't be quite wrong for me to go to full-time working now.. at least i could still support the family .. my bro n my sis studies ..
wad A intresting yr!!
i m gonna be a sadist .. hiaz ..

Here I Am @ 1/23/2004 09:24:00 PM

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

hihihi..
Happy New Year..
dum really have the new yr mood.. dunno y.. maybe coz in s'pore ba..
hee hee.. if i goes back to M'sia i'll be playing wit firecrackers now ler... =P
anyway will be going over tml but not to the usual destination..
=)
cleared my pig sty juz now.. hee hee.. proud to announce tt i juz used 2hr to clear everything haha..
erm.. will post a pic of my sty on the nxt blog..
em.. i filled up my wardrobe again ler.. but it seems like i m always wearing the same thing huh..
hee hee.. dunno y.. ;P
this morning went ot fixed up some sound stuffs .. hmm ... did some soldering of the cables n connetcting the speakers and stuffs.. haha..
got some things mixed up tho.. but took me n my uncle quite a awhile to clear everything hee hee.. ..
nxt duty will still be me on the coming Feb.. haha..
i love sound.. =P
erm.. =( got my sch fees ler..
$1021.05 !!!!!!!!!!!!!! @.@
no CPF deduction was made ... !! how can this be..
where on earth m i going to fork out this sum !!!
hiaz.. may consider dropping my study anyway i hadn't got much edu future anyway after my DIP..
... see how lar.. heh my fav word ba.. =P

Here I Am @ 1/21/2004 04:57:00 PM

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

hmm... had been so tired for the pass few days... tho not all tired things are bad/sad things..
where should i start?? the good or the bad??
hm.. maybe should exclued the bad stuff n would at least make my day happier..
anyway had a very fun time yest.. went shopping wit pat... n hee hee.. of course i'll budget myself.. and tho will always exceed wan haha..
got lots of stuffZ..
got two t-shirts.. one from pure milk a sky blue shirt n another er.. dunno wad's the shop name.. but is from far east got a green shirt there.. hee hee..
then got myself a BIG backpack.. hee hee.. went to sch today wit it.. was fun packing stuffs.. haha..
i could throw all that i want inside =P
also got a laken bottle.. hmm.. the shape looks like a grenade.. the bad thing about tt bottle is tt i dunno when should i use it n when to use it for.. =P
hmm.. i luv all the stuffs i got yesterday .. especially the bag.. haha..
after all the shopping we met up wit another gurl classmate and her sis ... then we went karaoke at paradize-center's K-box ..
had a real fun time there.. sing till all of our voice gonna break.. then left at three in the morning..
hmm then today was still a full-day lesson hee hee was like a whole walking zombie in sch today.. haha..

~~thoughts of the day~~
u know how i feel towards u..,
dun u.. ..?
yet every time i sees u it hurts me so much..
should i let it go or should i carry on ..??
i ..... ...... i ...... ......
hmm.. i nv really know wad to say when i see face to face wit yer..

Here I Am @ 1/20/2004 07:47:00 PM

Monday, January 19, 2004

hihi bloggy,
reached home at 4a.m. this morning... had a chill out time with my very close bro..
went drinking n smoking.. "i m not a smoker" ..
hiaz..
well bro u really knows me well ... thz for the chill out time yest... hee hee n the beer too..
"eh bro, it was the first time u buy me beer" =P
after work yesterday we went to shady's block, having our supper n started a karaoke there haha..
i think we got the residence there some morning call hahahHAHA...
hmm.. i called u yesterday .. n u missed both my calls ..
: (
nvm ..
hmm..
going to orchard rd later in the evening.. heee hee..
= /
hope i still have enuff to spend.. !!
i think i had a dream yest nite.. my bank left wit $100+ onli..
tt's scary tho.. !!

Here I Am @ 1/19/2004 10:12:00 AM

Saturday, January 17, 2004

erm.. tata "confidence of the loneli hearts", written by me,
thought of wtrtting it sometime ago ler when i had lost all confidence in myself..
well it had gave me the extra boost of confidence, hope it does the same to u all who had read it..

-----confidence of the loneli hearts-----
i'll rise up again as the eagles raises me high above the clouds,
i'll gather my best calvaries and chariots,
i'll used the ultimate weapon of myself,
i'll hold the torch of confidence again high above all warriors,
i'll charge to where u are and fought the battles for all i'm ever worth,
to let you know that i still had this little confidence that will tear down all towers coming my way.

Here I Am @ 1/17/2004 10:37:00 AM

Friday, January 16, 2004

tried on a personality test today.. at www.haleonline.com
erm very true .. i guess.. hee hee the last 2nd pragraph nv happened to me so not sure if i m really like tt..

You're an INTP
INTP
You're on a quest for logical purity...you're motivated to examine universal truths and principles...always asking "Why?" and "Why not?"...can focus with great intensity on your interests...you appreciate elegance and efficiency in thought processes and demand it in your communication...

You might appear low key in appearance and approach, you're hard as nails when challenging a truth...you don't like to deal with the obvious...at your best when developing unusual or complex ideas...you can be an under- achieving but very capable student...if you don't like a rule, you're quick to challenge it and find flaws in it -- this could make you somewhat of a rebel...if you like the rule, though, you have a respect for it and go along with it...

A relentless learner in areas that hold your interest...you might seem "lost in thought" to others...you tend to connect unrelated thoughts...you would rather be the architect of a plan than the implementer of it...you need a private, quiet workplace that allows for flexible independence... would rather organize ideas than people....

You tend to stay away from traditional leadership roles, and would rather lead with your ideas...you don't get emotionally involved, but rather tend to follow logical reasoning.....leisure has two dimensions to you: first, you like to concentrate and reflect on conceptual matters -- second, you like to take risks in the external world (like skydiving?)...

You like to read, think, watch TV, play with computers..(and post on the Storm Palace message bases).. sometimes you'd rather do these types of things than hang around other people...you don't necessarily like "best sellers" or "must see" movies because you don't trust people's opinion on what's "popular" and would rather make a value judgment for yourself....

Love, for you, has three distinct phases: falling in, staying in, and getting out. falling in love is a loss of rationality for you, and you fall HARD...an all or nothing phenomenon....

The "staying in love" phase is where you start to evaluate the relation- ship's structure and form. You may withdraw at this point because you're moving toward your most customary inward style and nature. A lot of the open affection stops....the giddy state changes... The "falling out of love" part (which doesn't always happen) results from an analysis of the real expectations of the realationship and needs of the relationship. Often an undefined line is crossed that neither of you knew about in advance. However, if you end it, you'll keep the relationship going as a friend in some capacity if you have a reason....

Pitfalls: don't focus too much on the inconsistencies of others...try being friendly and showing appreciation of others...being competent is very important to you, and you could be too hard on yourself....don't let your emotions take control -- you could have outbursts or appear hypersensitive...

INTP: "It's Not Theoretically Possible"

Here I Am @ 1/16/2004 11:32:00 AM

hi bloggy..
today seems like a dreadful and long day =(
we seems like a total stranger from mars..
well maybe was my fault.. dun really wanna tok to her..
asked myself y but i dun know either.. hmm..
hiaz..
chio some frenz to go down to zouk.. but none of them r free!!??
nvm..
had a voice out with her ler..
well.. @.@? -_-? 0-0? (.")?
anyway had quite a fun time after sch i guess .. went down to AMK to play pool
hee hee..
had been quite some time since my classmates n i had play pool together..
tianfu was ultra funni there HAHA the joker among the jokers ..
he was the pro today also.. he won one round with opponent left with 7 balls!!
believe it?? nah i can't but tt's true..!!
(hee hee.. luckily i m not tt opponent..' :P)
well i wasn't bad either ;P bhb haha..
wow the ride home was darn long.. took 22 from AMK the ride was 1 1/2 hrs.. =(
hee .. watch lord of the ring "fellowship of the ring" juz now.. but darn lor!! dunno wad happen either to my com if not will be the dvd is damaged, the movie kept hanging.. hmm..
well a long day ahead tml.. going to sleep now..
more peace at heart now..
=)

"Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door"
~white flag, Dido

Here I Am @ 1/16/2004 01:24:00 AM

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

she found her prince!?
she found her prince!?
she found her prince!?
again!!?? after all this?? why wad's the matter with me??
damn me ..
I HATE MYSELF ..
I HATE MYSELF ..
I HATE MYSELF ..
I HATE MYSELF ..
I HATE MYSELF ..
I HATE MYSELF ..

Here I Am @ 1/14/2004 10:55:00 PM

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

i heard ur footstep as u enter the hall
i heard ur sweet voice across the hall
n i m missing u much as i had always been ...
actually wanted to get u ur gigantic pink carebear today hmm.. but heard tt it had extinct
=(
sry.. sry.. sry..
hmm..
had a loneli time just now..
there wasn't dinner prepared at home so got to fix my own dinner but those "good" classmates of mine all wanna go home!!
hmm when stepped down on tampines thought of going to a cafe n have a gd dinner on my own.. but i can't resist the temptation of KFC
-_-! hee hee..
dread to go home after tt so went gai gai.. hee hee.. anyway alone ler arh.. best time to waste money haha..
got some ling ling long long stuffs n went to look arnd for some shirts..
hee hee money seems quite a gd companion during loneli times huh.. ;P
anyway saw 2 of my sec sch frenz.. worst thing of all.. one of them is waiting for bf n the other is wit his gf
hmm such a bad sight ... ^.-
saw a vintage shirt juz now .. the design quite caught my eyes .. it's juz 30 bucks tho.. quite tempted to buy but the designs would be better if there r some words on it .. so luckily din get it ~hee hee.. laoZ the salesgurl seems very unhappy tho.. erm.. i think i can get a nicer design at tt price at far east lor..
well not bad for a loneli nite to be able to meet some old frenz..
hiaz got to go discuss proj again ler..

Here I Am @ 1/13/2004 10:16:00 PM

Monday, January 12, 2004

bloggy, can u tell me had i been dreaming all this while??
if i m can u not let me wake up... it's too beautiful to wake up from .. plz dun let me know tat's the truth -_-
y can't dream be reality ..
dreamz is sweet but it nv last , reality is cruel but it stays on forever ..
hmm... better stay away from that awhile .. anyway just had my new hairstyle
hee hee ... i would say it is quite cool ...
hee hee ... trying to figure out how to style it ...
actually.... it is quite stylish ler.. so .. erm.. dunno leh.. =P
hmm.. going out later.. i think i'll get her scared with my new hairstyle!! would i??
hoope not..

Here I Am @ 1/12/2004 04:04:00 PM

Sunday, January 11, 2004

sunday .. hiaz = ( another day needed to be written in the archive ..
was wondering y do ppl say "ur life is precious"?? y? do u know?? is it 'coz life is too fragile??
nah i think how precious ur life can be is seen thru the eyes of others who loves u .. tt's y everybody needs to be luv so tt he knows how precious he is .. ;P
heeh .. i m getting lazy!!
hmm.. had a few minutes of discussion over the flash project'S' i m working on .. dateline is closing up!!

Here I Am @ 1/11/2004 06:21:00 PM

heh~!! finally back at home.. yesterday i had my first duty, as a sound man.. hee hee.. ; ) well felt excited at first, then crappy when i saw those cables running all round the hall, koolz when i get a very good position for the mixers n stuffs, koked up when the cable stuffs aren't working properly.., then acting cool ... hee hee ;P .. n then bursted wit stupidness.. i accidentaly switch of a vol path of the pianist without noticing .. pianist started complaining about not hearing her instrument n there i was trying to figure all over the room .. WAD'S UP!!?? n came back to be a switch tt i switch off accidentaly when pressing the solo key... !!(-_-)!!
juz received my pay.. HAHA!!
anyway my working days r cut down to a pathetic state of 6 - 10 hrs a week!!! (@.@)"
"sad"

Here I Am @ 1/11/2004 06:17:00 PM

Friday, January 09, 2004

oh shux.. having my nite lesson now hiaz.. the lecturer is so darn bored.. everyone is like going to fell asleep lor..
so stupid.. we had to follow all his way of conventions.. so darn sianz.. no freedom at all in our way of programming.. even the file names he wants to guan lor.. hiaz.. such a bad ending for the day..
the morning lesson was so fun n jokisH..
darn the nite class lect..
me going to ZZZzzzzzz ler..
HAHaha.. the first nite class finale:
half of the class got too bored n started to play net send, we loop ppl n laugh at them when they were clicking all the way trying to clear the net send msg window..
funniest part was at 930.. bobby sent a net send msg to t'chers com n it was flashed out on the screen n the msg was "hi i m mark" i was laughing till tearing... HAHAHA lolz~

Here I Am @ 1/09/2004 08:16:00 PM

hooray.. my first blog is out.. i m so happi.. hee hee.. so doing a blog isn't as easy as i thought tho.. it is quite hard.. hee hee.. but it was ultra fun editing it.. haha..

Here I Am @ 1/09/2004 12:07:00 AM

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

hmm.. first day of school.. =( darn jialat sia.. first lesson was maths n it was darn boring lor.. "integration... bla blah..." wasn't really a gd lesson to start with.. everyone was silent n sleepy.. tho.. woke up so early leh.. arh.. anyway.. juz create my blog.. dunno how to carry on from here .. HAHAha..

Here I Am @ 1/06/2004 07:36:00 PM