my own piece of mind

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

okie back to post something..
arh.. shoutbox kena spam by some irritating spam kia haha.. jk huh.. 021110Q
haha..
today during the stupid session the lecturer had actually used this spam gay's user account for demo..

WAHAHA..................................

out of so many student in MIT he had actually used his..
wow getting famous huh gay..!! ultra heng oso haha..
humph.. in two weeks time gotto choose our specialization le..
erh..
onli got two choices.. had interactive and java prog.. in mind.. most likely put tt java wan in first choice.. then the interactive..
hiaz.. all the dudes muz be getting busy wif their IP proj now.. er made me can't slack in peace..

;p

okie i think tt's all for today huh..

25/02/2004 wednesday
mood: Mm.. slacky..

Here I Am @ 2/25/2004 09:47:00 PM

Sunday, February 22, 2004

argh.. ARGH
shouldn't had chat wif her.. made my start of a sunday worst..
could nv imagine wad she asked!@!
made me flare up above 276 Deg Celcius!
)*(^@!*@&^%(*&!^$^!@%*$&%!&#^$&#@^)*&$)(*!^^@&^%#
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*****************************************************
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
hiaz..
sudden;y came up wif a very crazy idea.. hee hee heee hee hee.. i'll be calling
personality 1: raytopia
&
personality 2: rayeuphor
haha..
i m

MADMADMADMADMADMADMADMADMADMADMAD

Here I Am @ 2/22/2004 01:41:00 AM

*disclaimer:

READ AT UR OWN RISK,

fatal chimalogies

humph..
another boring day had just pass. .
well did nothing but slack at home the whole day again..
hiaz..
been

slacking

too much ler..
neglected projects, studies, and myself ..
argh..
hate myself.. picked up filthy habits.. hate myself for not being myself anymore..
there r things in life when we treasure it so much but came to realize tt we r too dependant on it..
a backslider from church .. well i hate myself for being one..
but i think there r things tt we should learn it ourselves thru experiences and know how to manage life with reality..
maybe tt's an excuse for the present me.. i dunno..
!! !! !!
many a times when we missed out things in life tt happens to pass by us, we regreted it with tears
and even if we didn't missed it out, in the end we will still hate ourselves for not treasuring it..
life is contradicting, tt's because we humans r contracdicting..
i m killing myself with every minute passing by..
love is a split road from reality to imagination that cast tears in my heart..
heard of the song 'where is the love'? quite a well written song..
i m in a dilenma now.. i dnno who am i.. !!?? argh.. i kinda like who i m now.. but .. argh.. its filthy!
i had really changed alot overnite din i.. but i m in a dilenma .. i dunno who i wanna be..
yucks.. double personality!! i m such a fake person.. !
argh getting those acute chest pain so frequently now.. sonner i'll be ending up in hospitals with the drips ler.. or else will be deep beneath the ground sleeping.. i hope i get the 2nd one ..

Here I Am @ 2/22/2004 12:43:00 AM

Thursday, February 19, 2004

oki ..
had been sometime since i last blog huh..
anyway..
nothing much happened too so.. din blog lor..
today had a maths quiz.. hee hee thanz georgina, ning & classmates..
got the MCQ answers from them..
and er.. i m back to work ler.. my buddy bro had transfered to a full time staff ler..
hee hee.
so now he can help me plan my working schedule.. erm.. will be working back in the kitchen..
=) i luv kitchen ;p
argh had missed alot of morning lesson.. humph quite scared tt i'll be getting the letters..
had a big laugh during lect yest.. WAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA even the tears din stop!

---recent daydreamZ---
dreaming of a VESPA paint it black n white with the shield thinggy and number 7 on it (my fav number)..
riding it wearing a half helmet with goggles of those long ago pilots..
and a flying behind neck scarf* izit call a scarf!!?? not very sure lar.. but something of those sorts huh..

someting to share:
watch this then watch this

Here I Am @ 2/19/2004 09:44:00 PM

Monday, February 16, 2004

hummph humph..
oki.. back at home looking sucKI and darn tireD
went round s'pore the whole of today!!
1st stop tamp North-East town coucil to pay the HDB bills
2nd: aljunied to claim back my DOC.
3rd: tamp's DBS to get the DOC. endorsed!
4th: board the MRT ler then rem tt i forgot to deposit $$ so dropped at AMK.
5th: NYP admin office to pay e fees..
6th: NYP's library to discuss proj reports..
7th: khatib to collect my bag
8th: home sweet home..
argh quite fed up with the service from DBS bank.. they made a mistake in my form and did nothing to amend it.. caused me get a new wan and still have to go back to them again tmL!!
anyway had quite a fun time over at reu's place hee hee.. we played need for speed.. =p i got the best times.. 1:14:14
neh neh!! sry guys..
so tired.. anyway going to skip tml's maths lect again ler.. hiaz.. faults of the DBS..
so feel like scolding tt person serving me upside down n inside out!! (*^^@%&#^)!@*&^&!^%#*!@^$&!@%^*!@#^(!)
argh very tired.. !!

Here I Am @ 2/16/2004 10:34:00 PM

Saturday, February 14, 2004

oki.. decided to write a blog first b4 going to my uncle's place for the nite..
hmm.. went down to zouk yest.. din call up any frenz to come along
well my classmates frenz are all so fun-loving..
hee hee.. yest nite was the first time i went down there and play games..!! instead of njoying the ppl and surrounding.. well was fun either way.. losers gotto drink, the usual rulz hiaz.. i m so suay!!! kena alot from my classmate but still awake n on the gogo..
hee hee.. anyway got it back at her on another game hee hee... lucky is the one standing nxt to me in the first game.. onlin drank once.. -_-'
hmm tt's for the start of valentine's day.. and as i had planned, stayed put at home the whole day..
hiaz..
i really dislike today.. humph..
was too tired maybe .. my thought went haywired!!
had a rather wierd feeling of myself.. is that soul inside really the real wan or has it change..!!??
maybe it has coz i want it to change... or was my real soul stolen off from me..
i dunno and maybe i dun wanna know..
too much had been stored inside my soul's storeroom this 19yrs.. and i wanna clear it off me..
my soul's too tired .. running n running from problems tt haunts him from afar..
erh.. going crazy..
anyway this morn after zouk met up wif my buddy bro.. he had a real big prob up his sleeves too..
hiaz..
as i was writting this blog another fren got to know another big real scary fact too.. hiaz..

--- soul hunter ---
who is it that lives in me..?
u, the one i always see in the mirror.. who r u?
for the one inside me has no feeling of tears and love ..
for the past of me where had u been...
i once wanted u to stay far away from me..
but now it seems so strange tt u aren't in me..
it isn't like my usual self..
the tears that rolls down my cheeks are plain liquids of the protein filled body instead of pains of the heart..

Here I Am @ 2/14/2004 09:38:00 PM

Thursday, February 12, 2004

helo(o.@)
hmm.. had a presentation today..
well muttering towards the end.. hmm.. tried to keep calm and in a constant pace but..
juz too nervous.. hee hee.. well anyway was quite a good presentation .. hee hee..
juz finish watching two vcds that i rented yest.. 'league of an extraodinary gentleman' & S.W.A.T
hmm both are interesting.. dun wanna tok too much on it..
juz too sianz sianz & sianz.. hee hee do feel like going down to zouk tml
tho got a classmate going down but is wif thee frenz so i will be quite Xtra
then my frenz hmm..
argh.. dun feel like jioing them anyway they r quite broke oso ler.. ;p
maybe i'll juz go down n slack on my own..!!??
argh see first lar.. tml still got night class leh!!
oh shux..!!

Here I Am @ 2/12/2004 09:39:00 PM

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

hmmlo.. (.-_-.)
hiaz.. it is playing love songs everywhere..!!
i had made up my mind this sat i m gonna stay put in my hse..
will be better if i have 'an mian yao..'
hmm..
two weeks ago.. was planning how i m going to surprise u during this valentine's day
one week ago.. everything crash..
now.. how i hope that everything that had happen one week ago had nv happened..

could be laughing everyday making jokes anywhere
but i can't deny the fact that my heart is sensitive to where u r..
neither can i miss a glimpse of wad u r wearing,
nor the sun shine smile on ur face..

i told myself to live wif ur memoriez.. but the memoriez longs to hold u..

---?who are we?---
are we frenz or are we foes
ur smile makes us frenz
ur stern eyes says we r foes
tho i can not hold back time
tho smiles turns rain to sunshine
wad i m to u may not be wad u r to me..
so who are we is who we were
and wad we weren't will never be.. .. ..

Here I Am @ 2/11/2004 10:06:00 PM

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

hEy HeY
i m back ler..
saw a horoscope of a libra man.. ultra true for mE!!
take-a peek
hee hee if u dun really know me well.. hee hee.. read n see, tt's me ler..
well if u wanna checked out wad's in store for urself..
>> see for urself

alrite.. gtg and slack ler.. this few days had been too slack.. dis morning couldn't even wake up in time.. ;p

Here I Am @ 2/10/2004 09:26:00 PM

Monday, February 09, 2004

let y = me
& z = rAy

y: how's ur day??
z: fine, slacking... how's urs?
y: argh fine i suppose!!

argh.. trying to be lame there...!!
hmm.. monday bluR!!
hee hee had been a very good boy for the past 2 day
no nite life.. no drinking.. no day time kicks..
staying home watching over the house.. haha.. if not for the prob tt i had no $$ left ler.. do u ever think rAy would be so gd as to stay at home the whole day!!!
once in a rAy moon!!
sister von chio me to go K-box yest hee hee sry huh..
din really felt like singing.. arh to admit the fact my singing is far worst than tt of william hung lor..!!
discussd about the entreprenuership presentation yest.. wasn't tt slack actually huh* at least i did something..
well as for today opened my eyes to sting myself wif the thought tt it will be another long bo liao day..
so started off wif something i had nv done for a century.. haha tt's my piano (darn dusty!!).. ;p
wanted to figure out how to play this song name 'wish' well for the pros they can juz listen and play at the same time.. but it took me the whole morning and half of my afternoon.. to really fig out all the notes and is playing it quite well lr.. *bhb!!
haha.. it is quite a sad song, normally will hear it on drama series when some loved ones dying then they will play the song.. still gave myself up to coming sat to master the notes.. hah.. come back to the old saying.. ' im so talented' * kapui!!
hee hee a little bonZaa today.. too bhb liao..
hmm wad to do for the evening time!!?? dunno either..

my recent daydreamz~~~
thinking of myself opening a small cafe, then a studio, then when everything is going smoothly a pub!!
i'll be ultra rich le when i have a pub.. hope to earn millions annually and 5-6 figures income every month..
anyone having the same daydreamz as me.. well maybe we can find some time to sit down together and daydream.. haha

Here I Am @ 2/09/2004 04:32:00 PM

Sunday, February 08, 2004

was watching the william hung's american idol audition wif my bro..
lol
was a big hoolar..
so bad of us to be laughing at him huh..
but was wondering is he really courageous or wad!!??
knowing tt it will be shown on TV and yet so daring..
really admires the confidence he had for himself..
haha.. pity him too..
lol...
william's audition

Here I Am @ 2/08/2004 11:58:00 AM

Saturday, February 07, 2004

oh another post for today..
haha juz reach home.. was quite happy..
manage to find the flash for my camera and hee hee.. and got a 70-210mm lens from my uncle
haha..
quite a good bargain huh..
that lens is ultra gd..
but my uncle's treasure chest needs some maintenence ler..
the lens is quite stained tho..
argh took me quite some time to clean it up..
anyway went out wif da jie juz now..
had our dinner at thai express.. then went to dome for a cheese cake n coffee...
well had been quite long since we had dinner together..
saw a old colleague at dome n got a 10% off haha..
haha.. going out wif me always have such gd offers HAHA..
*regret nv going out wif me b4?? ;p
anyway was quite surprise to see tt guy there too.. miss the time working wif him too haha.. a funni pervertic joker..

Here I Am @ 2/07/2004 11:50:00 PM

another saturday morning (o.@)Zzz

hmm.. quite silent quite bored but nvm..
as long as i still have $$ it doesn't matter, but i dun have anything to do..
hahaha.. *so lame right
well anyway yest one of my colleague knew of wad happened to me on wed nite..
oh i was so suk up.. damn it..
she was asking me here n there lot n lotx of stuffs!!!
and then was saying she cares... ARGH!! darn it.. "i dun wanna ur care"
got to find out who told her..
i m gonna hit tt guy butt wif a huge large cucumber!!!

hIeE ppl visiting my blog.. not sure if u guys had seen the new column in my blog.. 'my words'
it compiles all the thoughts i had written thru out the blog.. hee hee may b nice and may not.. i m not a very optismistic person so they may sound a little down.. but still wanna leave it there to share..
oki here goes another one..

---silent breeze---
woke up in the morning,
to find that u r no longer around me,
the soft breeze brings with its silence.
i whispered the words of my heart,
hoping that it will be bought to ur ears,
like a gentle melody.
the place where we always go
the place where we used to meet
the words that we say before leaving each others sight,
the ... .... ..... many things ... .... .....
are now emptiness echos occupied by the silent breezes,
never to be spoke of again...

~believe in urself that one day no matter how long it takes u'll fly and reach the clouds.. ..

Here I Am @ 2/07/2004 11:37:00 AM

Friday, February 06, 2004

helo(o.O)
back again..
yest nite went down to zouk wif wrok frenz..
hmm..
had quite a fun time there well maybe coz it's ladies nite.. got lotz of pretty gurls.. anyway drank too much loAz~ and that stupid feeling is back hiaz.. shit.. i think my metabolism is really high lor.. kept trying to vomit after i drink but nothing came out.. shit sia.. it is juz like my stomach is totally empty like tt lor.. hiaz..
my buddy bro quote a quite stupid sentence "heart broken ppl tends to get drunk easily" haha.. i almost laughed out but then was too nuah already.. kept bumping onto ppl..
but then have a good chill out time .. coz nothing can cover up tt mess in my heart..
thought i had grew strong but hiaz..
reached home at 6 then thought of lying on bed for awhile then go to sch well who knows when andre called and told me it's 12 and where am i.. i was totaly shocked.. sry guys for being late.. hee hee..
argh reach home from wrk today n guess wad.. hee hee.. interrogation!! by mum.. as usual raymond being a honest guy will say nothing but the truth so told her tt i went down to pub.. phew!!.. was shocked tt she din say anything about me going down to zouk..=P well on the other hand she kept on nagging about other things lar.. ;P
ok i m feeling like a dead pig now.. gt go n ZZzz ler..

Here I Am @ 2/06/2004 12:18:00 AM

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

HieEE

another day.. hiaz..
anyway.. going down to zouk tml nite.. hiaz so many ppl feeling down..
hope everyone will get a relieved tml ...
muz jia you.. raymond..
i believe one day i will be able to throw away all ability to love..
juz now was walking alone..
so asked myself if there used to be anyone in my heart tt has a position tt can't be replaced??
found out 3..

1. my childhood lover.. during bendemeer pri sch.. me got transferred from that sch by 1994.. then met her again 6 yrs later.. fell for her again.. but she left again wif her bf 2 yrs after we met
2. my sec sch love.. she is my longest love and the most pretty, most kawaii, most 'bitchy' gurl le.. haha.. after sec sch we seldom met.. then last yr she entered NYP.. went wif her to her orientation.. now we din even see each other in sch..

these r the 2 person i could let go off easy wishing them wif all the best blessing and wif their memoriez carved deep down inside my heart..

3. hiaz.. dun wanna mention about the 3rd wan ler.. she is the one holding the biggest and sharpest carving knife drawing on my heart as on a linoleum..

i m not going to love anymore.. .. .. ..

----- Sun and Pluto -----
we are like Sun and Pluto,
though on the same system but we shan't see,
though on the same system but we shan't meet,

we are like Sun and Pluto,
two of different surfaces and characteristic but on the same system,
two of different fate but on the same route,

for the milky way shall be our destiny.

~to all who has yet to know love

Here I Am @ 2/03/2004 11:37:00 PM

Monday, February 02, 2004

monday 02/02/2004 2:30am -> marks a new era

my life will nv be the same again from this time on.. not because i had forgotten about u but is that i had given up all hopes of love..

//to me
love: is to be received and not to be pursued

i had found my resolution/ my dreamz for life..

Here I Am @ 2/02/2004 11:31:00 AM

Sunday, February 01, 2004

sunday (02/02/2004) 10:05am 12days left

argh..!! darn it.. yest went drinking again.. hiaz..
my bro got prob.. drank quite a lot.. and guess wad in the end i was the one quite drunk.. haha..
that feeling was quite awful.. wanted to vomit but din come out.. hiaz.. suxiEee..
squat in the toilet when i reached home trying to vomit it out.. but nothing came out loAz~.. haha..
my bro wanna go drink again tonite..= / hiaz.. i may not wanna drink ler..
was quite turned off by the taste.. haha..
argh.. so badly wanted to see u yest nite..
i m nv going to give up..
the first time i went out wif her, she was like a red little ruby princess..
so cute, chubby, pretty.. she doesn't have those big round eyes but i like those eyes when she is smiling.. it sparkles..
hiaz..

the feeling of missing u is like having my blood replace wif freshly squezed lemon juice..
it runs thru my heart and thru out the body.. making me feel so sour..

yest went shopping wif my bro.. he wanted to get a pair of jeans.. but in the end it was me buying hee hee~
i got a shirt from domanchi hee hee.. it looks very cool.. then went of to wrk ler..
today's a public holiday.. gt wrk coz pay is double haha..

Here I Am @ 2/01/2004 10:25:00 AM