my own piece of mind

Saturday, September 03, 2005

morninG(-____-)

went for a morning exercise and back le.. humph took the chance to clear my thoughts also.. humph..

dad.. how had yer been? saw u in my dreams yest nite, *ermm wasn't a very nice dream!* anyway saw u together with us.. humph how had yer been? wad are u doing now? everything still going well? remember to take care of yer health..! ha! maybe u won't even see wad i typed here..! coz u dun even know how to use a com.. but anyway will always rem the things u told me.. gotto take gd care of mum.. yup yup.. humph kinda guilty for tt.. had been doing my NS now n seems like i kinda lost touch with wad's happening at home.. .... hiaz... do i want my dad to return to this family? humph i hope he hadn't left in the first place.. but since he left i dunno how will he return.. the embarassment he will face, the pressure he will face.. come to think about it i rather he keep in contact with us n not return ba.. and also the adaption mum n us will need to make when he returns .. humph maybe the pic now is wad our family's most comfortable with now n wouldn't want to have any more changes into it.. but whether or not dad returns isn't up to me to decide anyway.. just let it be ba.. dun think so much le.. ... but anyway miss yer dad..!

humph look through the e-mails that i send to u & ur replies.. humph.. all the promises we made all the lill stuff we said to each other all the pet names tt we call each other by.. n the sweet things u did.. i really miss u.. i really miss u alot.. hiaz tho life moves on, there will always be this lill corner in my heart which keeps ur smiles, ur love, ur everything and ur name.. how will the both of us turn out years down the road? i have no idea and i dun wanna be bothered by it.. i just wanna do wad i need to do now.. am i escaping from it? nope.. maybe i just want my secure zone for now.. but none the less i really hope tt some days later we could still keep in contact.. there is no forgiveness needed in this breakup & there isn't a need for apologies.. y? ..... dunno..... maybe i just dun wanna hear it.. coz sorry doesn't mend back a broken heart and when there is no sorries wad is there to forgive? ... humph life just gotta carry on..!
gRacE jia you for ur life k.. guess you will be busy preparing the dance for x'mas rally and also towards the end of this yr u will be having ur exams also.. jia you study hard, will pray tt u could have all the concentration u need.. muz score good grades k.. anyway am glad tt u had put down the tuition something which ties up more of ur time.. work still as busy like b4? humph gotta take good care of yer health k.. will rem to keep yer in my prayers.. jiayou..

alright kinda late in the morning le.. n guess wad.. 'lush' 99.5 ROX..! but my stomach grumbling louder than it..! hee'he.. =D oki anyway just now when i was running was thinking about some stuff.. humph.. i could be training myself to be a better person in facing the real challenges of tml but success doesn't comes by thinking and talking it has to achieved through my hands!! yes my hands..! and how many times have i to remind myself that i gotto be hardworking with my hands if i wanna achieve my dreams..!! argh.! BAKA raymond!!stop daydreaming & get to WORK!!

oki.. scolded myself n i feel very guilty now.. wahaha..! kinda idiotic there.. but anyway some ways to improve n motivate myself also.. hee'he.. oki.. gonna startdoing my work le.. ermm.. but stomach still rumbling..! ermm.. a hungry man is a angry man..! how could i get work done?! ... excuses..!! but anyway will try to do some work first..! ...................................... GRrrrrrrOaarrrr..............................GRrrrGRr..........................

Here I Am @ 9/03/2005 08:48:00 AM

Friday, September 02, 2005

helo(-__-)

well days are like b4.. dinner alone.. walking the streets full of strangers.. well anyway had been thinking.. humph the year is almost coming to an end le.. well so wad's my review for this year? wad's my vision for nxt year? humph.. anyway alot of thoughts going recently n also words that comforts & encourage me during this times, thought tt i would record it down here so tt somehow nxt time i will read back my archives ... n............... so? ......... ermm wadeva lar.. anyway humph had been kinda lazy.. this few days..! humph gotto buckle up le.. esp with my work stuff..! hee'he better send over the quotation fast.. n ermm..settle the stuffs with my boss asap arh!! haha haven't even went down to collect my namecard seems dunno how many donkey days liao..! i think boss muz have use my namecard as scrap paper liao..!! lol....

words of comforts:
~ naked i came from my mother's womb, and naked i will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised. ~

my thoughts:
~ the beauty of silence are the ears that hears, the knowledge that grows, the wisdom to choose and a man's success ~

humph.. am i a bad christian? seems like i m not tt bad tho..! ermm i m not being BHB but really NS makes u see a broader world.. nar.. not trying to be judgemental here also.. but hiaz.. just see too much hypocrites..! anyway .. hiaz dun feel like saying too much either.. this world is really filled with diff kinds of ppl n yup very amazed at how diff brains works.. be it a good character or a bad character there is always something special about those neurons that are working in their brains.. something which gives them tt unique thinking that will make them do things tt are so out of ordinary..! hmm.. it is good to learn from someone's experience then to exp it ourself sometimes..
* the NCO's saying after the POP: "from now on you will be on ur own, nobody gonna take care of ur ass for you, nobody is gonna clean ur ass for u also! learn to take care of ur own asses coz if u dun NO ONE will...!"

some other thoughts spinning round my head.. .... well had been thinking of some things which u asked me during that nite but i din gave an ans.. humph it is still inside my head and had struck me even up till today.. 'am i ready for a relationship?' .. in fact i really dunno.. i really dunno.. but humph kinda begin to feel fearful of relationships now ........humph just gotto use this time to grow n ponder over tt qn seriously i think.. humph but seriously a relationship isn't just about love, it is committment on top of love.. ...hiaz.. .. sometimes it just goes round my head .. y does it have to be like this? hmm.. no one has the ans tho.. .. ppl says that the first relationship will never be the last.. y? y can't miracles happen for the both of us? humph..................................... argh.... *BANG BANG BISH!!!* ok quit thinking of these things... no ans could be found anyway.. but life just carries on.. tml is a great uncertainty which i m going to face, hanging on to the tears of yesterdays will not bring me any closer to my rainbow..

oki.. seems kinda late for me le.. yawnz yawnz yawnz.. haha.. yup its 930!! n i m like a dinosaur yawning my lungs out!! oki.. listening to 'lush' fm99.5 gotta let it rock me to ZZzz.. jazz are just so coolz for a windy nite

Here I Am @ 9/02/2005 08:52:00 PM